A collection of super silly, super-short stories— written in a 140 characters or less.
I will ask for random words from my Twitter followers. If you’re fast enough, I’ll use your word(s) in my next super-short story. Sound fun?
Feb. 3, 2012 [Special Edition]
1. JUBILATION washed over Ms. Crocker when DJ TIKI spun BOOM BOX Nation. She flung her OVEN mitt & let her 2 left feet loose.
2. Reports say Canadian RAPPER, NARWHAL, was shot in the face after a concert. CARTILAGE and bone matter littered his limo.
3. Earl’s SUREFIRE plan to rescue Ms. Peaches required ORANGE Bubblicious & a firecracker. 1 problem. He couldn’t DOWNSHIFT his 10 speed
4. During an ESKIMO Roll at ZUMBA class, Joyce’s PINK ZEBRA-print Lululemon capris busted a seam — KA-BUSH! No tan lines.
5. Bernie’s CUPCAKE HUT was heaven on wheels. Foodies would squee when they spotted that flapping FLAMINGO colored truck coming.
Jan. 12, 2012 [Special Edition]
1. “Wanna LEI?” said the pimply, awkward-shaped kid with fiery ORANGE hair. W/each disgusted no, a frat bro gave him a NURPLE.
2. Dixon’s CARDBOARD sled rocketed down K2. “SNOMG! I’m gonna die!” Luckily his gorilla-sized MITT stopped him before the SASSAFRAS.
3. Det. Polk looked comfortable walking into Club RADIOACTIVE. “Next up, so sweet you’ll want to eat, FO SHIZZLE, TANGERINE.”
Jan. 5, 2012 [Special Edition]
1. Gilbert’s provocative WILDLIFE MOSIAC, made of tic-tacs, caught the eye of a few COCOA-butter beach beauties.
2. FRECKLES was Simon’s nickname. Not cuz he had ’em but cuz his AGGRESSIVE prick brother peppered him w/tiny UNICORN STICKERS.
3. Folks swatted at the thick smell as Carl’s BELCH (meatloaf-POINSETTIA SANDWICH) rumbled thru the diner.
Dec. 15, 2011 [Special Edition]
1. What a KERFUFFLE Lady CHEETAH MERINGUE caused. Btwn her lack of COMPASSION and off-color PLEASANTRIES, the evening was TMZ worthy.
2. To RESUSCITATE her writing PASSION, Kate turned to hash COFFEE. But it made her AMBULATE fitfully. Belly dancing helped to ASSUAGE her yips
3. Escher’s SALACIOUS grin & CHAMPAGNE eyes caught the fancy of the lunch lady serving POPSICLE Punch and twirling her gravy-wet PIGTAILS
Dec. 8, 2011 [Special Edition]
1. Ed, the GLITTER ELVES Lodge SIGNATORY clearly states: All members must wear HEPTAGONAL hats to all meetings, said Herman.
2. Oscar the CAT, strutted across the room as to RELISH the moment. NOODLE JUICE is GERMANE to this case. It gave PUJOLS his ADVANTAGE, he said.
Dec. 1, 2001 [Special Edition]
1. Ellen’s drunken SAUNTER at the XMAS party was epic. Her ZEBRA-style TINSEL dress was tucked into her candy-cane panties.
2. The TIDDLY sect of OccupyIreland, led by Alban DUVET, VENERATE folks wearing RAIMENT bedecked with puke splatter & matching SOCKS.
3. After a few TOM & JERRY drinks, a DISCOMBOBULATED OBAMA revealed he once was a bouncer at the BATCAVE, a goth strip joint.
Nov. 17, 2011 [Special Edition]
1. T-Bone, the once RELIANT carny vet, ABANDONED his dream of working the Big Rig COASTER for the UNREQUITED love of Peg, the corn dog girl.
2. BLIZZARD is a DEMOLITION man down in West Mayville. You can’t mis him — permed MULLET, ALLIGATOR backpack and cigar smile. Don’t ask about his scar.
3. Designed by a homeless TRAIN-YARD PIRATE, INVOICE Intimates’ new PANTIES feature a HYPERBOLA-shaped crotch made of moisture-wicking Kevlar.
Nov. 3, 2011 [Special Edition]
1. Franky, 1 NUGGET, Gantucci ran an IT scam up on BLANKET Island, hitting up Ma & Pa stores for bags of $$. A real smooth CRIMINAL, that prick
2. “Vodka ROCKS,” shouted Angelo, a CANTANKEROUS BUFFON. Thick gold necklaces weaved thru his bushy chest hair. Apparently TESTING a new look
3. Old Man Orr was a crazy SOB. That coot used to FISH from a replica US HELICOPTER where he’d roll joints out of BOK CHOY leaves.
Oct. 27, 2011 [Special Edition]
1. Under a moonlit sky, in a borrowed DINGHY full of JUMBO rose petals, the DATING GARGOYLES knocked boots.
2. In COLLABORATION with an eco-EMO, Jake sang a dead-on version of SATELLITE by DMB to BAMBOOZLE young ladies out of their GROCERIES.
3. The exploding CHEESE fell softly like rain-kissed FOLIAGE onto Brit’s UMBRELLA before the dashing FIREFIGHTER swooped her up off the ground.
Oct. 20, 2011 [Special Edition]
1. A chunky HICCUP from a purple Garcia BEAR signaled a BLITZ from the horny bees trying to BIFURCATE the hippy parade.
2. A gruesome PICTURE showed the zombie crowd gathering outside the Dr. Jekyll & Mr. FORMALDEHYDE PEANUT Emporium. #OCCUPY1031 they’re called
3. In the CUBICLE Chronicles, MILES Groper details one HEINOUS STICKY note incident involving a GYM locker, tweezers and duct tape.
Oct. 13, 2011 [Special Edition]
1. The UNCTUOUS DOCTOR reassured the BULLY that rectal injection of ELECTROLYTES wouldn’t hurt as he tuned the HYDRAULICS on the #2 SPATULA.
2. Gilbert, AKA MOUSEPAD, is PERSNICKETY about eating, using only a Swiss Army SPORK. Its COLLAR is etched with an ACIDITY scale for food w/KICK.
3. CLINTON is a SMARMY S.O.B. With his CANDLESTICK in HAND, he insisted the cigar-smoking ORANGUTAN squeezed Monica’s PINEAPPLES.
Oct 7, 2011 [special edition]
COMBUSTIBLE Jasmin Sequins, a NAIL-POLISH-wearin JELLYFISH, UNITED at HIPSTER PLAYGROUND for ICE-CREAM COFFEE and ft-long CORNDOGS
Aug 12, 2011 [special edition]
May 5, 2011
April 28, 2011
The TRAFFIC of black-market MARMALADE is CONGRUENT to FB credit SPENDING of pseudo-PLUTOCRAT hippies in a fantasy ECONOMY.
March 8 – April 24, 2011
[No story because I gave up Twitter for Lent]
March 3, 2011
Feb. 17, 2011
Feb. 10, 2011
Jan 27, 2011
The WeinerBROOK Hotel BELLHOP gushed about Guinness PEELER, a scab OUTFIELDER in the VEGETABLE League, AKA the PLUMBER bcuz of his pants.
(Thanks to @brianpmaquire)
Jan 20, 2011
Jan 13, 2011
CHICK-FIL-A centerfold, PEPPERMINT models The CLOVER ASPARAGUS BRA Co.’s new BALDERDASH scented line: PEANUT, PINECONE-PUNCH & TOES.
(Thanks to @Andreamenas, @amemoore, @desiraeskelton and @hayleywolf)
Jan. 6, 2011
Dec 30, 2010
Dec 23, 2010
At the SUPERLICIOUSLY, LOVVERLY BEESWAX Grill, a WITTY MONKEY in a DEFIBRILLATOR NECKTIE serves PLATYPUS RUNZA. Bring your WACKY LIPBALM.
(Thanks to @startabuzz, @generatelegal, @Dwalsh76 and @la_loquita)
Dec 9, 2010
At the STRATOSPHERE, you can order PICKLED POO from the HORNED-BELLY TIGER of Katmandu. It tastes like chicken. #SuperShortStory
Dec. 2, 2010
In an UNDULATION of STATIC bursts, the GARGANTUAN BLACKBERRY ARMADILLOS of MEXICO howled at Red DOG, a QUAINT VITAMIN man.
Nov. 25, 2010
Gobble Gobble. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nov. 18, 2010
Icky Vicky & her ISOMETRIC HAIR of FIRE looked to OBFUSCATE the BOWLING, POCKET PIZZA crowd as she cupped her VELVET APPLE-sized headLAMPS
Nov. 11, 2010
MARQUETTE MAX joined the ELEPHANT STRIPPER on the TREADMILL stage. Her BUS-sized butt with a CURA PERSONALIS tattoo, dented the POLE.
Nov. 5, 2010
“It’s FANFLIPPINTASTIC,” said a women from behind her venti COFFEE. “PHANTOM FRICTION-free LIPSTICK rocks! Perfect for blowing my CLARINET.”
Oct. 29, 2010
Dallas FLACK, a POWER dancer at Doc Johnson’s DRIVE-IN CABARET, is a retired CURBSIDE entertainer. Go ahead, GOOGLE her.
Oct. 28, 2010
RUBE STARLIGHT‘s MUSTACHE looked GINORMOUS in his MICROSCOPIC flea COFFIN. A JUKEBOX played EXISTENTIAL songs for the TRAIPSING circus folk
INSANITY! In order 4 Paco TACO to PURVEY a GIRDER-style HATRACK, he must TEXT his BIGAMY Anonymous parters—looking 4 SNOW White’s dress.
Oct. 7, 2010
Joey No Eye wasn’t UR typical made man. After he off’d Tony SNICKERDOODLE, he did a PIROUETTE. C’mon. But his ARUGULA pesto, forgetaboutit
Sept. 16, 2010
A RECURRENT th-th-th-th- sound echoed thru the wounded HELICOPTER as the ECSTATIC Lt. Kern lunged rusty SCISSORS into the last SNOW zombie.
The VAGARY of the dot-matrix PRINTER sent Titus postal. He hijacked a short BUS with a circus PEANUT & a loaded double-barrel TOOTHBRUSH.
“Oh CONCIERGE. Feel my CANTALOUPE,” Carol SWING called out. “They’re a gift to myself after the unNATURAL experience of my VAGINOPLASTY.”
Sept. 10, 2010
Deputy SHOEHORN BLUE & his barbwire MUSTACHE entered the SIX FLAGS Saloon—it smelled of MOON TUNA LOTION & the BLASPHEMY Angels were playing
Aug 30, 2010
DR. STRINGZ, minutes into his shift selling PEANUTS, let loose a HURRICANE rant full of slurred f-bombs. It was the climax of his whiskey BENDER.
Aug 26, 2010
Ernie embraced ANTIDIESTABLISHMENTARIANISM with all the piss and vinegar a 6yo could muster. But he wants his fruit snacks!
BELCH, 1-eyed, TATTOO-wearing, BUCKET-shaped PLATITUDE MONSTER cast a SUPERFLUOUS VEX hex on us. Snot bubbles flew.
Aug 12, 2010
Deep in the UNIVERSE, just past UTERUS, we find bbbBROOM—home of the MOLD-peppered BACON burger, served on teak-PLANK platers.
Pepper sat criss-cross style in ANGST, clanking his MARBLES. He eyed Lenny’s WISDOM MERIT ribbon. Suddenly, a TUMULTUOUS tussle erupted.
Aug 6, 2010
The poster read: BEER Can OVERTURE performed by Duke JUMP and the DIAGNOSTIC Trio brought to you by YUCK Brands. “AWESOME” Gus belched.
Aug 4, 2010
The LAUNDRY PLAYGROUND is where BURN McGee, famous GRAPE MARKER pilot lost an epic wet-T-SHIRT dual on the LIVER-SAUSAGE slide.
July 29, 2010
Invented by a couple SPECIES BREWERS in CHOCOLATE GALOSHES, the BLACKBERRY HIPPO features a ‘type w/o touch’ POLY-THERMO keypad.
July 22, 2010
His FIDDLE sounded like an obese MUSTARD cat humping a TORNADO. But Gus played with PASSION in his neat-PLEAT Wranglers.
Doug ENGORGED his teeny RACCOON head with HEIDEGGER w/his smoking buddy, SOMBRERO—who uses a diamond-tip AWL for their cigars.
July 16, 2010
Doris was a pink-fur, tattoo-wearing BI-POLAR bear on PROBATION. Her CHOCOLATE colored SHIRT read: WET.
July 6, 2010
The blue hairs really buttered Larry’s POPCORN. Their MARKER graffiti SHENANIGANS crazed him into a BLASPHEMY explosion.
A-LIST celeb, Zeke Binkley had a CONUNDRUM: FLY TACO or a roach salad w/a SIMPLE oil/vomit dressing.
July 1, 2010
A crushing silence filled Escher’s EARS. A slow train of blood FELL off the tip of his nose. He was HOSTILE no more.
June 29, 2010
HURRY JEEP, cried BABY. Her CRANBERRY colored RAT from JAPAN raced across the PAVEMENT into SOOTHE Soul Spa for his missing COPY of Vogue.
June 22, 2010
HEDGEHOG Harold & RAISIN the MONKEY are best buds w/SUPER powers (CHICKEN pox poof & shape shifting) on a quest— fire/ice spitting UMBRELLA.
June 10, 2010
Slate, a SWARTHY lumberjack, chopped thru the dodgy ORB, catapulting BLOBBY goop in every direction. It was a TERRARIUM for space maggots.
June 2, 2010
Marv’s KITTEN, CALIFLOWER amuses herself by posing in front of a carnival MIRROR in Build-A-Bear outfits.
May 21, 2010
The TEMPTING offer to TIE one on got the best of Harold. Before his SEAT flipped, he slurred WE ARE MARQUETTE poetically.
May 13, 2010 (Special edition for UnGeeked—the SXSW of the Midwest)
Our INTELLIGENT & PROFANE DISCOURSE transpired with ACCESSIBILITY to a PLETHORA of ASTOUNDING LASER TRANSLUCENCE. No small FEAT.
Who uses EXCITE? Nobody. Who watches CHIPS reruns? Estrada. Who can ENGAGE the audience? J. Hendrix EXPERIENCE.
May 12, 2010
A SLENDER SHADOW draped over the the sleeping boy. A BAND of cold sweat appeared on his cherub face. Death had arrived.
May 7, 2010
“WICKED!” howled Tug. “Yeahhaaa, U R totally sauced dude. Sprinkle the CINNAMON on him cuz noodle KNEES is baked.”
May 4, 2010
“ACCELERATE, cabbie!”, barked the conjoined DOGS from the ENJOY The Show circus. “That BOUNCY-TENT doctor thinks our testicles are magical.”
April 19, 2010
#23 Frank had a THEORY—HAIRY TOES don’t make tasty stir sticks. Yet the ideas was TITILLATING. Splash went Frank’s big toe, followed by his WIG.
March 31, 2010
#22 Bjorn, the GLUE GNOME, let out a sizzling MEOW after the LIMEADE queen touched his TOOLS — a wood PLANE and a yankee-push drill.
March 26, 2010
#21 Giddyup BUNNY and his SLIVERY kisses drove the lady hares crazy. His famous TEQUILA PIE and BASEBALL sized cojones were bonuses.
March 5, 2010
#20 FLABBERGASTED, Jill stomped back to her cube. Minutes later, her Play-Doh MANIPULATION in its phallic glory was pierced by a REJECT Bic pen.
January 13, 2010
#19 That handlebar mustache fella is 1-eyed Tex, the meanest QUILT-carrying ANT west of E Street. Don’t let the fruit SNACK satchel fool ya.
#18 For Sanders, a pencil-pushing ESOTERIC GOOBER, this was it. His invisible MANIC mistress used the pull-my-finger joke 1 too many times.
#17 Old Man Higgins loves his moonshine. Even bottles it himself with custom labels—RECYCLED CANDY wrappers sporting a flaming MOUSE logo.
December 18, 2009
#16 HOOP, a CHEERFUL ORNAMENT gingerbread man, once DATEd a HOT Danish cookie. It didn’t go well. Her EGGNOG HAIRSPRAY made his BOWtie sticky.
October 23, 2009
#15 It’s PUPPY PROM time. Look at Biff in his sporty FISH PANTS & SQUISHY FIG shirt… just FABULOUS! But his RACECAR hair do is so NASCAR
#14BOOGER WATER, used for EXTREME SNOW, is super slick. In fact, HOOPS and his PEN SNOWBOARD FLU a mile high only to land on lava ROCKS.
September 28, 2009
#13 A CALLIPYGOUS BUTTER tub had the CROSSWALK team in a PICKLE. It was too EARLY for such things. Just then, a DOG named SIN licked the tub.
August 28, 2009
#12 HUNGRY Flo, the ailing and bloated MANATEE, fed on PICKLES for days. Finally, a SOUR MAGNESIUM FINGER was used to get her to hurl.
#11 Jonesy, an aging HAMMOCK MONKEY, liked to RUN his SWING fingers thru his chest hairs, wafting a DELIGHTFUL stink of AXE body spray—BEANS.
August 24, 2009
#10 RIBBON-LIVER TOENAIL stew was on the menu. Eck! puked the LATE cheerleader, knocking her SCHOOL BROOMSTICK over—waking her 3D HYENA TATTOO.
August 18, 2009
#9 The DISCOMBOBULATED groom eked signs of PARANOIA. It’s EGREGIOUS he thought. The chapel ENGAGED in deafening whispers- SHE doesn’t love HIM
August 13, 2009
#8 NEEDLE the LEMON, the CHEEKY ROPE-thin woman blurted. Time 4 FUN—giving a male MANNEQUIN a MASSAGE. A STORM of laughter tears followed.
#7 That ass CLOWN from GOOGLE peeled his BANANA like a midget stripping. It was hot like HORSERADISH. It’s KILLING ME.
August 7, 2009
#6 Special John Hughes Super-Short Story
Home Alone, Uncle Buck looks Pretty In Pink. But on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, he drops off Sixteen Candles to The Breakfast Club. RIP John.
July 29, 2009
#5 As Joe flicked MOSS off his COTTONBALL rifle TRIGGER, his PULLED pork lunch hit the deck. Joe turned slowly & in a THUNDER voice, screamed.
July 14, 2009
#4 NAYBOB Nancy,clutching her GOLDFISH purse cackled HAIRLESS QUESADILLA‘s playing at the SANDWICH Theater. “PEDAL bitch, let’s make the SHOW.”
July 7, 2009
#3 MORE COW BELL slurred SONG Cowboy—graying MUSTACHE traced his curling smile. Aiming a SWING stapler, his HAND reached 4 a BULLET, then RAIN.
July 6, 2009
#2 With their BRAINS working as 1, the LAUNDRY ZOMBIES strolled to the BEACH to feast on lifeguard SOUP. EAT they will. And in a BLINK, burp!
#1 “OOF” echoed thru the rafters as #9, LOVE, bulldozed Oscar into the boards. His HOCKEY HAIR clung to the glass. JOY was heard. PEACE ended.